Saturday, April 28, 2012

Men lie, Women lie. Paternity Test don't

Hello ladies and gentleman, I need your undivided attention for a brief moment. I was in 7 eleven the other day an seen a dark skin man with a light skinned baby. I know that doesn't sound unordinary in the slightest bit, but when the pops look like dmx and child looks like Chico debarge you start to wonder. This guy is clearly walking around being a father to his step kid, that's not his baby. Hopefully he reads my blog an comes to his senses. That slightly had nothing to do with this, but whatever.

Now lets turn up (I always wanted to say that)...

Now fellas, I know we don't use condoms because we all know they're for dirty men and homosexuals. But we still have to protect ourselves in other ways. It's a lot of men walking around owing child support on a child that was born by a woman that was supposedly on birth control. Women love raw sex just as much as us, do not let them fool you. But instead of them just admitting they don't want to use a condom, they make up these unbelievable tall tales. And we're so horny and gullible we believe the bullshit they tell us. You be wobble dancing all in that drenched box and don't notice till you cum that she's a nurse. That's when you come to your senses an realize she wears latex gloves to work everyday. But 2 hours prior you believed when she told you she was allergic to latex. Now you've been bamboozled, and you didn't pull out so guess what. 9 months later, SIMILAAAAC! Now what are you going to do, step up and take of your seed right? As you should. But now you have another dilemma. You go thru ten combs a week trying to comb your nigga naps but your child has curly hair and blue eyes? Something doesn't add up, but cool women lie.. But paternity test don't, cop that test.

But hey ladies, we lie to...

Now ladies you know when have Niagara falls as a box in your panties. You know what you have down there, so don't play stupid. Now your going to have guys doing the most deceitful shit to not use a condom. He been texting you all day, filling your inbox up with consistent thirst. But he gets there and tell you he doesn't have a condom. But you're use to that so you pull out your own, at this moment you can see the discouragement on his face. But little do you know you just helped his lie get even better. We're pros at this, that condom will come off an you won't know until that period is late. Now you're worried b/c it's suppose to be that time of the month and your box isn't suwoopin. Now you prepare yourself to send that deadly text that all men dread. You know what I'm talking about, that 'i think I'm late' text. Now be prepared to get cursed the fuck out, and be called all types of dirty bitches. He's going to tell you he used a condom and you know he did b/c you gave it to him. Now you're confused, and just crying with your pregnant ass watching lifetime eating ice cream and pickles. But don't stress it, men lie. But guess what, paternity test don't. Get that test

There you have it, men lie women lie.. Paternity test don't. But don't be ignorant and call Maury, you both will look stupid. You don't want to hear "you're not the father" on national tv. Now you just crying. Talking about you were 1000% sure and he's smiling from ear to ear on stage doing his best dougie.

Be classy about it, nobody has to know about it. It take two to make a baby, so it should only be two involved getting a paternity test.

But hey y'all grown, do what you want. I'm just a guy who knows his girl isn't pregnant because she still has no stomach. Be easy

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